Befriending the enemies
by FreakOfTheInternet
Summary: He didn't expect to die on the first day of college nor did he expect he would end up in a hold new word, restarting a new life. Now he must cope with dealing with some familiar faces around him and befriending a certain enemy while trying not to get himself killed. Crack Fic; Male Self-Insert
1. Chapter 1

_This shitty ass story is dedicated to my dearest friend Wilkins, who has inspired me with many ideas for this garbage. This story is simply written as a joke between me and friends but feel to enjoy it if you like. This is just me doing shitty writing._

 _Warning: Will contain errors, be shitty,have shitty memes, pure weirdness etc._

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You know I didn't expect to die this young, nor did I expect to die in my first day of COLLEGE. Why? Why me of all people? My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this. _Drama queen much_. I was a good student, had good grades, got accepted to well known university and for what, for me to just end up dead inside of an Uber? I should have taken the bus when I had the chance. Talk about living the scholar life.

God damn it, if I don't see Harambe in animal heaven then I don't know what life is anymore. Oh wait I don't have a life.

Dicks out for Harambe.

Dying was not on my list for things to do today. You know after wasting my summer break watching anime and television shows, I can see why death came upon me. It was bound to happen at some point I just thought I would die from wasting away my life or from food. I didn't anticipate dying in an Uber, I should have listened to mother and gotten myself a job, I could have at least been a prostitute.

I would have made a fine hooker with my hairy ass legs and hardcore knowledge of hentai. Good thing I wasn't that useless like a character I know, what was his name again? Oh right, Yamcha. Jeez good thing I'm not useless like him.

I hear he's been HANGING AROUND a few places.

Get it, HANGING AROUND.

Kill my self.

This is God's way of punishing me for being a weeaboo. Running like Naruto, learning lyrics to openings/endings, playing a children's card game, performing jutsu signs, and the list goes on. I have sinned. Yup defiantly being punished.

Not to mention all those times I had gay fantasies about Mark, my teacher a.k.a sugar daddy or the fact I was secretly in love with my best friend who is in fact straight. Was I straight straight? No, not at all, I was just a little bitch.

They once asked me, "Top or Bottom?"

 _Bottom boi_

Dicks out for me.

Back to me dying, well technically already dead. If only my Uber driver was looking at the road instead of trying to catch a dragonite on pokemon go, I would have gotten that dragonite and be on my way to _catch them all._ So much for living the college experience.

No more dicks for me.

Heck I don't even know where I am right now, I can't see or feel my body at all. My vision was dark, like my soul. _Emo alert_. All I remember is the impact of the car and then badaboom I was dead. I didn't even feel a thing.

 _They ask you how you are and you just have to say you're fine and you'r not really fine..._

Yup dying didn't hurt all whatsoever.

I'm dead and everyone I know is alive. I didn't even get to say goodbye to most of my friends before heading off to college. I had said goodbye to my family but I promised them I would come visit next month and yet that's not going to happen anytime soon. No longer would I be able to confess my undying love for my best friend. No longer would I be able to watch some weeaboo crap. Weeaboo crap? Damn it, now I won't be able to finish reading Fairy Tail.

Great, I should have died once the manga was finished then I would have been able to finish reading it, but noooo I just had to die in a Uber.

What was the purpose of my life then, if Fairy Tail wasn't there with me?

A disgrace.

Suddenly I was moving, my body was being pushed out? Suddenly my vision was faced with pure white. Did I actually manage to go to heaven? And here I thought I would be dancing with the Devil. Talk about sinning so much.

Once my vision adjusted to the light I noticed my surroundings, I was staring at a...doctor? A rumbling feeling bristled in my chest. I tried moving my hands but was unable to feel them or lift them up in any form.

"Congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy"

Wait. What. Baby? Did he just say baby?

 _Triggered._

Concerned with my thoughts, I didn't realized I was being handed over.

"My, what strong looking boy, what should we call him?'' I was faced with two new found figures, the man that spoke and a woman cradling me. Also is this really happening?

"Leon Fein, that will be his name. Hello, I'm your Kaa-chan." Wait..what kind of name is Leon. Only I would get a gay ass name, at least it sounded pretty lit.

Hold up, did she just say "Kaa-chan?'' What a freaking weeaboo.

"He sure is a quiet baby." Soon as the words were spoken I began feeling a lump in my throat and suddenly it burst out, the room was flooded with loud cries.

Aw shit I was crying.

God damn it I was a baby.

Probably an ugly one too.

Welp I won't be seeing Harambe anytime soon.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello, new chapter today and I'll try to update every week. Thank you to all those that reviewed and for those that said that this story has potential, it doesn't. This is well only go downhill/more ridiculous as later chapters progress. Friendly reminder this fic was created as a joke for my friends so it will contain things that don't make sense or just plain stupidity. There will be times where it does get serious but it's mostly just shitty humor. I'm surprised people actually click on this story and I thank you._

 _Warning: Shitty writing, Shitty memes, Shitty humor, Errors etc._

Things I've come to terms with myself over my lifetime.

One being accepting that I was weeaboo.

Second I will be forever remain single. Forever alone.

Third I'm trash.

Fourth Life sucks.

And I think that's the whole list. Wait never mind I forgot to mention I'M A FREAKING BABY NOW.

I hate my life. I hate the fact that I died in an Uber and now I'm reincarnated in some random ass place as a baby. Great, this is what I always wanted. Not.

Overall I accepted this fate, I could restart my life and make it better instead of being the little bitch I was before. Correction I will always be a little bitch and hella gay. So much for turning out straight. My parents would be proud of me. The only bad thing about this new life is that being a baby sucked.

It's been some months now since my "birth" and as a baby I couldn't do much. My body wouldn't respond to me nor I was able to stop myself from crying like a fucktard. All I did throughout the day was either cry or sleep. Not to mention pissing myself each day as well. Then there was the horror of breastfeeding.

I will forever have the image of them crusty-ass tits up on my face from my weeaboo mother.

Speaking of my new mother, I found out she was the town slut.

Kidding. That was my job.

Dicks out for me.

Now I had a reason to be called "baby boy" in bed. If you know what I mean.

Someone please shoot me.

Back to my parents, I've learned things about them, my father's name was Yamato and my mother's name was Yukina. These pricks just had to give me a gay-ass name like Leon while they had "normal names", weeaboo much. Given the names they had I assumed that I was reincarnated in Japan. My mom would take me outside and it appeared to be that we lived inside of a small village.

My new parents seemed like your average town folk, my father would go out to work in the morning and would return during sunset, he was a sale's merchant and my mother would sell her cream pies that she would produce.

Get it, cream pies?

I have problems.

My weeaboo mother would tell me bedtime stories about magical beasts and adventures she had when she was child. She even mentioned how she wanted to become a hunter and travel the world. She told me if I ever wanted to become a hunter she would gladly allow it. I thought she was crazy, why would I want to become a hunter? In what form would I be able to kill an animal and cook it.

I was a weakling not a crazy person like her. Being a hunter no can do.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

And people say I'm the weird one. They don't know what they're missing out on being friends with me.

You know what I'm missing out on?

This dick.

To bad I still haven't had a chance to look in a mirror to see if I turned out ugly. I probably did. So much for being kawaii. In my previous life I was your average nerdy looking teenage boy. I had the glasses and the smarts in math, not to mention the fact that I was into anime and other fandoms. This is why I never got laid.

I wasted my life chasing after my best friend and fantasizing about my hot teacher. The only thing good in my life was my friends and I at least had a decent name instead of shitty name like Leon Fein.

I swear each time the woman introduced me to one of her friends they would look at me with pity when they heard my name.

Same.

Today was no different, we were visiting one of her "friends."

I knew it, she was prostituting herself. I would too

Like mother like son.

Need some of that vitamin D in my life.

Anyway I was inside of a stroller and couldn't do much like always. I wasn't really paying much to their conversation either. This was the boring part of my life. Waiting and waiting. Oh look, a bird in the sky. Wait never mind its just me being stupid.

"...Hunter Exam''

Hmm?

"Yeah, I heard he wanted to become a Gourmet Hunter."

Gourmet Hunter? Why does that sound familiar.

I was now paying attention to conversation.

"Oh did he? He always had the best cooking, such a shame he didn't want to become a chef." The so-called friend was nodding her in disapproval. Disappointment much.

"I heard that those that attend the Hunter Exam don't come back alive."

Hunter Exam? Gourmet Hunter? At this point I was lost in my thoughts.

Don't fucking tell me, this can't exist right?

Don't tell me I was reincarnated into world of Hunter x Hunter?!

Son of a diglett why couldn't I be reborn in fairy tail?

God damn it how much more of a weeaboo can I be.

Welp time to start stalking and find a certain someone.


End file.
